summer

summer
SUMMER

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hair
COIFFED

shoes

shoes
OBSESSION

uncertain thoughts....


Lately I have been going through so many emotions.  There are so many things going on in my life right now that I can't even begin to organize my thoughts correctly.  I have EXACTLY 60 days to find a new place to live, I really want to find a new job and I was thinking of going back to school.

The reasoning for having to move in 60 days is because if I don't, we will have to go back into a year lease (which is something that we simply canNOT do), and if we stay out of lease, we will have to pay an extra $300 on top of my monthly rent, which refuse to pay that amount for a 2 bedroom BOX!  We need a house with a yard for the kids, bedrooms for all and pretty much MORE SPACE!  We are living on top of one another and this needed to happen so much sooner than this!  So OPERATION: Find a house is in full effect.  I am so discouraged that we haven't found anything yet, but hopeful that we will!


I need a new job!  Many of you know that I work in the world of bridal retail.  I have known for quite some time that I needed to find another job, more like a career, but the actions of upper management over the last few weeks have solidified what needs to be done.  There has been so many unexpected staff changes (and in my opinion, not in best interests), that it has brought the moral down for many of us employed there.  I am such a creature of habit that these drastic changes are so mind blowing for me.  There are a few other staff changes that I think will happen in the near future and if that is true, then I really don't want to be there.  I had really grown to love the majority of my co-workers, and when you start to see most of them leaving, especially not at will, it's time to move on!  I hope to find something that will allow me to express myself artistically, push my knowledge and help me grow as a better person.  That's where school comes in at!
I really have no clue, at my ripe old age of 32, where I want to start.  So much later than what I expected, but better late than never.  Many people my age have went to school, graduated and became professionals in their career choice.  It seems as if I am stuck in my own mind right now and I don't know how to get out of it.  But something needs to happen.  I will begin the journey of finding myself and hope that I can get it right within the next few years!
Well, that's it!  This is going on in my head every minute of every day, along with trying to maintain the (great) insanity of motherhood, being a wife and all of my hobbies!  
My loving friends and family!  (hubby would have to look like a maniac, lol)
Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts.  It was almost self medicating to release this in this medium instead of talking/yelling/crying it out!  Have a great holiday weekend!

photos are from my birthday this year up north in Tawas MI

14 comments

  1. I completely understand what you are going through that happened to me a couple years ago. I had mold in a studio appt we were renting, the management would not do anything about it until we threatened to sue at that time when they hired someone to paint over it we had enough and decided to move. We found a place last minute $300 cheaper. As for the job I had to quit mine because there was so many things wrong with it (manager was sleeping with some girls to get hours or days off, they didnt pay overtime, rude customers...and more lol) so i went to school full time I went to Ai for Fashion Marketing and I met people that had jobs and a family and that were older than me so dont worry about the age everything is possible. I am sure you will get through this.

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  2. I am sorry to hear of everything going on for you right now! It is definitely never too late to go to school! You and I are the same age and I am planning to go back to school myself, I only finished general Ed. I am just waiting for my 3 yr old Violet to start preschool, then I plan to go back and finish. I hope you find the perfect place for you and your family! I will definitely keep you in my prayers that everything will work out better than expected! You have a beautiful family, I love all the pictures :)

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  3. Thank you Bella for your kind words! I don't regret any life decisions because everything done was meant to happen. I feel like I just need to do better. My husband is so supportive of everything I do so he makes everything seem worth doing but I need to feel accomplished with myself. I appreciate your time in reading this! :)

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  4. Oh God!!! Not sleeping with him to get hours? That's absolutely ridiculous!!! I am so happy for you that you got out of there and did better for yourself!! I can't wait until I can feel that sense of accomplishment!! I appreciate you taking time to read this!!! :) Have a great holiday weekend!

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  5. Life is unexpected at times! I am honest when I say I understand how you feel and I appreciate your candor bc it can be hard to just put your feelings out there. I too am trying to move and go back to school. I hope that you find some solace and tranquility soon! Take care!! (Ripe old age of 32...lol I hope you were being funny ;-))

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  6. It sure is unexpected and that's exactly how everything is feeling right now! I don't know what to expect once I turn the next corner. I totally was joking about my age. I still feel young, lol!! Thanks so much for taking time to read! :)

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  7. Hey Chanda thanks for sharing, i have been following you for about a year now and you have inspired me in different ways. I am very sorry about the current state of things, change they say is the only constant phenomenon, all this challenges will pass by the grace of God. I know with God all things are possible and he can blow your mind with the miracles you need, just pray to him and believe and all will be well. I will also remember you and your lovely family in prayers. God bless you

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  8. Hi Lola! First off, Thank You for your support! Its really appreciated!! :) And Thank You for taking time out to read my thoughts! I can only trust in Him with this! I hate worrying and I know thats its easier said than done to not worry. I'm praying that everything turns out fine! Thanks again for your kind words and time taken to read this! Have a great holiday weekend! :)

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  9. I'm sure we can all relate to what you are going through. As you stated, its never too late to start. My sister is 32 and she completely changed her career from Science to Film (complete change!) and she's doing pretty well. I'm also thinking of a career change after being out of school for x amount of years. What you are experiencing is completely normal. You never know how life will work out, but it can only get better if you keep at it. Best wishes!

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  10. Thanks so much girly for your kind words and encouragement! I am so confused/disappointed/excited/tired/defeated, etc.. I swear I feel each one of these (and more) emotions everyday! I am used to being in control and I have lost that sense of control and it's making life so uncertain! I hope to get it together soon! :)

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  11. Hello, i also can relate to what you are going through. Im a single mommy of two little girls and it seems im always having to make some decisions about something lol but let me tell you, just PRAY ABOUT IT, Chanda. God cares about you and your family and loves it when we share our cares and concerns with Him. Trust me, i know.... :)
    Wishing only the best for you!!!

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  12. Thank you so much for your kind words!!! Its still a tough road but I have been praying a lot about it! Everything that is meant to happen will happen! Hopefully for the best! But Thank you again! :)

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  13. Im glad I read this, these were some of my exact thoughts last night. Im 32, four kids, married, and co pastor with my hubby...but everyone thinks ive accomplished so much, but I want to feel that way...didnt finish college, most of friends are in their career...I am raising my young four kids, but I want to just finish something for me...I started a book that I have to pray and push myself to finish. I love fashion and want to go in that area too...I lovvve working for God, I just want to finish something and have more stability financially. I'm just glad what I'm feeling is Ok and I'm not alone.

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  14. I can relate. I was a Stay at Home Mother for 10 years from 24-34, and at times I feel "behind" career-wise. I have friends who went straight from high school through college. Then I realized my life is EXACTLY as it should be. I got accepted this summer into an Occupational Therapy Assistant program. I stepped out on faith and just researched 2 year programs that interested me & found OTA. There never is a "right" time you just have to take the first step and stick to your plan. We can not get caught up in comparing our lives to others. I would not trade the time I spent with my sons and that is what I remind myself. You will figure out your path and everything will work out. You have to have faith. It is never too late, you are still young. I will be 40 in July ;-).

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